“Why should the guy put in more effort (romance) to get what BOTH people want (sex and intimacy)?”

This is a comment by Tim & Jules on the post “The Appeal of ‘Bad Boys’“.

Tim said:

“Because romance and wooing is, more often than not, one sided. Ideally, why should a man need to put more effort to get what they both want—sex and intimacy?

“If a man is desirable, if a woman is truly attracted to a man—physically and sexually—he wouldn’t need to bend backwards to earn sex and affection from her. But you imply that men need to earn sex from women.

“Why shouldn’t sex happen naturally and effortlessly for both partners, if both of them need it equally? If after marriage, a man removes the aspect of wooing, charming and earning sex/affection from a woman, then that aspect was unfair to begin with.”

Jules responded:

“Your points are well taken and respected. So, in essence what you are saying it that is is an exchange: romance and wooing for the woman in exchange for sex?

“Well, If that is what is happening, then I guess it is so. But, if the woman loves her husband and views him as sexually attractive, then why is the romance and wooing really necessary?

“While married, my ex-wife and I did dinner dates, traveled, stayed at local hotels for a weekend … Still the sex was only once a month. So, my point is there is no guarantee this will work.

“The larger issue for me is just why is it necessary. I cannot grasp why some women will engage in casual sex with some men (no romance and wooing needed) but demand romance and wooing from the man they profess to love … Do you see my point?

“Perhaps my view is too logical? All I know from recent experience is I an enjoying great regular sex with two FWB partners with little romance and wooing. Hence, my view that being a lover beats being a husband, hands down.” 

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