Where are all the good men and women?” This is the question lingering on the minds of many. The pandemic has encased us in cocoons and separated us from human connections — one of our deepest needs. In addition to tackling the grief, uncertainty, and sadness that has taken the world hostage, single people have had to navigate the murky waters of loneliness. It’s tough.
But with the Covid vaccines finally out, there’s a different wind blowing. Can you feel it? It’s emitting a fragrance of hope and healing. It gets even better. With the world slowly opening up like a flower, ladies and gents can finally attract their soul mates. If you’re single, this is music to your ears.
But, there’s one slight problem: Without learning the right attraction strategies, you’ll remain stuck in a tight box of your own creation. Gentlemen, you’ll need to overcome the jitters that come with breaking the ice. And ladies, you’ll need to make it easy for guys to approach you.
Because hey, it takes two to tango, right?
***
If you want to attract your lover, think of it as a dance — the dance of attraction. Every step produces a specific tone, communicates a particular message, and emits a certain signal. This dance isn’t a solo dance. It requires both the hunter and the huntress to synchronize while simultaneously making each other feel impressed.
Ladies: How To Make It Easy for a Guy To Approach You.
In the jungle, when animals first meet, they exchange a look. This lingers for a few minutes before something — a gut feeling or instinct pushes them either closer or apart. Sometimes, they brush their whiskers against each other, sniff butts, or rub noses. Other times, the initial spark of attraction fails to light up, and off they go to the next one.
Humans are like jungle beasts, except we’ve got a certain degree of control over that initial spark. But when we fail to dance correctly, the spark fails to ignite. This story illustrates the reason.
Once, in a restaurant, my-single-but-wishing-she-weren’t girlfriend noticed a guy casting glances at her.
“Leah, the dude in the left corner, has the most dazzling smile ever, and guess what? Thrice he’s smiled at me.”
“Oh, do tell? But why haven’t I seen you smiling back?” I inquired, puzzled.
“Wait, whaaat? Smile back? No way, girl, talk about being easy!”
Barely a few minutes later, Mr dazzling smile stood up and began walking towards us on his way to the bathroom, his gaze fixated on shy Doris. Did she meet his eyes? Nope. Instead, modest Doris dipped her nose in her risotto, totally ignoring him. She did the same when he returned.
Reading her cue of disinterest, Mr dazzling smile walked out of the restaurant five minutes later. And just like that, he became another addition to Doris’s long list of the ones that got away.
Most singles hope that their secret admirer will spot them, walk over, strike a conversation, and poof! A whirlwind of romance. Does this happen? Yes, but not often. You see, people make subconscious judgments about whom they are going to approach depending on the non-verbal clues of the other person.
These can pull the potential lover in with the pull of a magnet or, they can snuff out the spark. After the incident with Mr dazzling smile, modest Doris drew a line in the sand. She started smiling back at potential lovers, conversations ensued, business cards flowed, and dates became the norm.
Of course, she didn’t attract her prince charming within weeks or months, but her chances of meeting him went notches higher. Ladies, when you sniff a whiff of interest — a smile or a seductive glance — from that hot guy, please acknowledge it. (assuming you’re digging him too.)
This isn’t the time for timidity. Throw away your modest cloak and let your eyes meet his. Dawn Brown, a psychologist, and counselor writes:
When you make eye contact with someone you are attracted to, it communicates intentionality. You are purposefully telling them you are both looking at them and reading their body language to see if the attraction is mutual. Eye contact makes people see your intentions for the conversation and whatever kind of relationship springs forth after that.
If your admirer has moved past the alluring glances to the smiling stage, your next step is to throw in a smile too. A smile is a delicious way of eliciting interest and sending inviting vibes. Per a study, a smiling woman is seen to be attractive. But, wait, don’t just dish out a casual smile. Wait a few seconds, and then slowly unravel your warm smile. As if you’re unwrapping a precious gift.
A slow smile takes the connection notches higher and sweeps the other person in a warm wave because it’s personal, special, and genuine. When your fancier recognizes it’s only for them, he sees it as an open gate and will be far more likely to walk over to you. Most guys will walk over to you right away or at some point.
When he does, employ these likable female body language signals:
- Turn your shoulders and torso towards him.
- Keep your hands below the chin and avoid crossing your arms.
- Use your face to express engagement.
- Lean towards him.
- If the conversation goes deeper, consider intimate eye gazing (checking out the rest of his body.)
From here, the real ice-breaking by the dudes begins.
***
Guys: How To Start and Develop the Initial Conversation
That initial conversation with a potential lover can be intimidating and daunting even for the most eloquent guy in the room because it stirs an emotional part. His heartbeat rises, palms go sweaty, as butterflies flutter away in the stomach.
Unfortunately, your emotions can sabotage your efforts to strike it with your highly desired lady. You must transcend them. You can do this by employing these two deliciously devious conversation-starter tricks. They’re simple, and they work.
***
1. Do a quick survey for a unique visible element or object.
Most people usually have or wear something unique on themselves that draws people’s attention. You probably have one. Perhaps a special bracelet, an enchanting pendant, or a distinct tattoo that’s a part of their identity. If you look hard enough, you’ll almost always find it.
That then becomes a tool you can use to break the ice. Because it’s personal, it can lead to a more extended dialogue. If you told her, “What a rare pendant, I’ve not seen such before.” You unleash a wide array of topics like its sentimental significance and origin. Her response doesn’t matter. You’re after her attention so that you can steer the conversation as you wish.
Maybe you’re thinking, “What if there’s nothing outstandingly unique on her?” Relax. This is where the next strategy comes in. Even better? It’s much simpler than the first.
***
2. Make a random but relatable comment on any topic.
Just pick any topic and comment in a natural, casual manner. If you’re loading your plate at the buffet table, say something random but relatable like,
“We’re gonna have to hit the gym hard after these scrumptious meals. Or, how do you know Elise?” (the host)
What’s intriguing about these casual comments is that they don’t come off as strong because they aren’t specific to the lady. Being random, they take the pressure off you because you don’t need to overthink. Beyond this, you’re at liberty to steer the conversation any way you want.
***
Key Takeaway.
It doesn’t have to be hard. But all things worth having require some degree of effort. Ladies, yours is to lose the modesty and shyness cloak. Show your availability. Experts say that a person’s most attractive trait is their availability. You’re going to have to grow a little bit of confidence and, most crucially, make it easier for the brother to make his move.
Guys, you’ll need to be tactical in your approach. Decent girls can no longer stomach pick up lines and corny phrases. Put on your A-game, do a bit of survey before approaching your potential lover. Please stop trying to impress her; let her be impressed by you.
Most of all, have fun with it.
—
This post was previously published on Medium.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
 Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often |
 Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It |
 The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex |
 ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: StockSnap from Pixabay
The post Simple Attraction Strategies You Can Use To Find a Lover appeared first on The Good Men Project.