Breadcrumbing, cushioning, ghosting, and now kittenfishing — how many new dating terms are there?
Dating isn’t as simple as the old days, where you meet and get to know someone in real life. Having the option to look for a partner through dating apps has become a blessing and a curse at the same time.
It’s exciting and sounds easier because it makes you think you have an endless option, and you can literally ‘custom’ what your future partner will look like. However, the downside is most of them are nothing but a complete waste of time.
Not saying it’s impossible, though. More and more couples admit they’ve met online and are still happily together.
But the rest? They’re still stuck in the toxic cycle where they got played, lied to, and scammed.
If you’re in the online dating world right now, you’ve got no option but to keep up with the trend, so you know what to do.
You need to know what is being ghosted means or why that one guy you liked to keeps giving hints, but it’s not going anywhere.
You’ve got no time dealing with any of those tricks. There’s nothing wrong with staying up to date with all of these new dating terms because it’ll help you make a better decision in the future.
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So, what is kittenfishing?
Now, let’s talk about kittenfishing. What the heck is that? I know — I didn’t know such a word exists too, but apparently, it does in this online dating era.
According to the dictionary,
“kittenfishing is the act of making oneself appear more desirable in online dating apps, especially through the use of old or edited photos and inflated profile descriptions.”
In short, they don’t show you their real authentic self to you. They aren’t fake fake (’cause that would be mean catfishing) but they aren’t real either.
They’ve got a lot to hide.
How long can someone do that? It depends. But at this point, I think we both know that anything that starts with fakeness is probably not a good thing to continue.
Seriously. Do you want to be with someone who fakes it all the way to get to know you?
I get it that people 99% swipe right on you on Tinder because of some physical attraction they have towards you. So everyone is trying to get the best angle with the best lighting in their pictures.
But there has to be some limit to it.
If they try so hard to be someone they’re not, then there’s a higher chance they don’t like who they’re right now. And you know you can’t expect somebody to love you when he/she doesn’t even love themselves.
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Spotting the early signs
So how do you spot the early signs that you might get kittenfished? Here they are:
Every photo they upload is different.
When you look at their pictures on their profile closely, none of them really have the same look. One could be edited too much, and everything feels staged.
Their pictures don’t give you a good feeling. It also screams “trying too hard to be perfect.”
Oh, most of them are also old. They can mention they’re 35, but the pictures seem to be taken when they’re 21.
They love chatting and not video-calling you even after weeks of talking.
I once talked to a guy who refused to talk over video calls even though we’d talked for weeks at that time. Lame common excuses such as; “oh, I’m very shy and introvert,” “chatting works better at expressing my thoughts” were what I heard from him.
While he still sent me photos of him through chat, some things just didn’t add up. So I followed my gut and stopped the whole thing.
Chatting whole days might sound fun, but there should be a point where you need to see their face and see if the “sparks” are still there.
Their profile bio and life stories are too good to be true.
People can create any persona they want online. They can tell you they make thousands and thousands of dollars per month and live in the best villa in Bali, but the truth might be far from it.
I’ve known a filmmaker who doesn’t make as much as he likes to tell his Tinder dates. And I also know someone who doesn’t really know how to scuba dive or ever joined a yoga retreat — he put it there just so people see him as cool.
So be careful when you read or hear stories that are just too good to be true. Especially from someone you met online.
The best way to deal with being kittenfished
First of all, I want you to know that you aren’t crazy. It’s a confusing situation to be in, indeed, especially when you develop a strong bond with them already.
But also remember that someone who’s ready for a relationship doesn’t have the need to lie or pretend to be someone they are not. They’re confident there will be somebody who will love them for them.
If insecurity is their excuse, of course — we all have insecurities. I mean, who doesn’t?
However, it’s not cool to lie or make up stories about yourself, just to appear as a way cooler version of yourself. That’s a lie. And you can never be successful in dating when you start it with a bad intention.
People don’t want to deal with that.
People want authenticity, and being yourself (no matter how flawed you are) in dating apps is what will help you get a real relationship.
So stop overthinking. Block their number if that is what helps you get the peacefulness back into your life.
Dating nowadays isn’t a linear journey, and if you aren’t being proactive in making the best choice every now and then, you’ll always be at a disadvantage.
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Hi! Anggun here. I write about all things that you might struggle with within your love life. My main goal is to make you feel less alone on your journey. If you resonate with my stories, stay in tune by becoming a Medium member here.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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